Detachment.

sometimes I find myself wondering why my posts of late betray my emotional fortress that I have worked so painstakingly to build. maybe it's the Universe's way of telling me that emotions can't be contained, that feelings are meant to be spilled to be felt. or maybe I'm just a wuss.

either way, I've been trying to keep my mind on the straight and narrow and im just getting started untangling it. but I find revelation in it's entanglement. you sort of grow as a person when you connect with yourself I think. and that's the most important person. yourself.

when it comes to despair, worry for the future or an impossible love you know you'll never have, the first person you should talk to is yourself. which brings me to my detachment.

detachment can manifest itself in many ways. I find myself looking at the events in my life, current and past, from a distance, a voyeuristic perspective, if you will and I'm surprised to find it actually helps me deal with it better. and it hasn't been easy at all. as none of you know, I'm not your average guy. some will say im a few sandwiches short of a picnic, others may say I'm damaged goods, call me whatever you want really.

I've taken it a step further: detachment from the world. *collective gasp* yes although my future profession would frown on this view, I find that having a detached point of view of the world helps me get through. war, famine, poverty, destruction, prejudice. you can't just stomach all these and not be affected by it. after all, it's our duty as a fellow Earthling to help our fallen right? but detachment saves me from certain depression at the hand that fate has dealt these people. this world. I can work to change the world without becoming too personally involved.

i prefer not to wallow in the misery of life's cruelty. nor do i want to keep dwelling in the past. whatever life hands out, I take it on the chin. there's really no point in looking back. this isn't some Zen theology I'm harping on, merely a human way of coping with the god forsaken obstacles in life and all of its insanity.