Thought for the Sunday II

"The throne shall never be empty; the country shall never be without a monarch, the King is dead, Long live the King! Le Roi est mort, vive le Roi!" - Proclamation of Royal Obituaries.

i must first start by saying how much this news shocked and surprised the living daylights outta me come last Friday morning. i was getting ready to leave the apartment for college when my phone buzzed. thinking it was a friend or something, i casually glanced at the screen.

MUM (07:36): "michael jackson has died from cardiac arrest."
MUM (07:40): "farah fawcett died too."

at this point, my whole body went into what i like to call the 'wtf' mode. symptoms include a weak, open jaw, temporary alignment of the head to a 40 degree angle, eyes almost bulging and consistent muttering of rhetorical questions under one's breath. all this was just for michael btw. yeah so farah fawcett died. boo hoo. hey, the show's called 'charlie's angels' for a reason. completely slipped from my mind like hot butter on a knife. anw, i immediately started thinking it was some sorta joke. i mean, come on, how could michael jackson be dead at 50? the guy sleeps in an oxygen chamber for christsakes. so i turned the telly on to the breakfast show, (kinda reliable, i figure) and bam! hits me like a freight train. murky subtexts flying from left to right. pictures of michael jackson flood the screen. then the final blow: "1958-2009"

well needless to say, i walked to college with a mixture of shock and awe, just trying to contemplate the reality of the situation.
classes kinda made me forget about his death a bit, since we were too busy laughing at random stuff. then came the long bus ride back. and hey, i did what any grieving fan would have done. i plugged in my ipod and set a michael jackson playlist. hell i ain't ashamed to say it. it's the least i could do anyway. i spent my entire childhood on michael jackson. i grew up to 'beat it', 'billie jean' and 'thriller'. not to mention i actually watched 'moonwalker'. i even take influence from his music when it comes to writing a tune. this dude's touched me in so many ways, (pun intended) hell, he's made impacts on billions of other people. so much so that i think cardiac arrest is really a bit of an anti-climax. sounds like a sissy way to go really. its like death by slipping on a banana peel. (no offense to you people who have actually died from banana peels.) michael jackson's the kind of person you'd expect to die by a flock of doves carrying him away or by spontaneously combusting.

but there i was, watching the sunset over the highway, watching the trees run me by, as the now-posthumous voice filled my ears and brought me back to the yesteryear. all i could think of was 'thanks mike' for trying your best to make this world a better place, while getting mocked for it. i'd like to believe your innocence since there is no point of making it an issue now. i admire the love you had and so unselfishly shared. the people spurned you but you never stopped loving them. for this, i say: rest in peace, michael joseph jackson. may you find the comfort and love you were looking for in another world. :(

Being Calvin.

for as long i can remember, the art of zone-ing out has been a gift to my personality. i've never known how obvious it was until now. oh if only you could be in my head and see the things i see, hey, you'd be pretty dazed and blank yourself.

Thought for the Sunday

The seven seals is a concept of Christian eschatology, which comes from the Book of Revelation in the Christian Bible, where seven seals are described in Revelation 5:1. The seven seals are opened by the Lion of Judah, one by one. New Testament Book of Revelation 5:5; "And one of the elders saith unto me, Weep not: behold, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, hath prevailed to open the book, and to loose the seven seals thereof." This was usually the kingdom given to the Crown Prince of Israel. Jesus in Christian traditions is the King of Kings, not the Crown Prince. The Lion of Judah is a deliberate direct reference to a worthy Prince "Of the Blood of Christ"....
It also states that there will be "seven trumpets" announcing aspects of the "End Times": mankind being judged, seas turning to blood, sores on people's bodies, plagues, infertility, and the introduction of "seven bowls" (in King James Version called "vials"). These bowls are a third each of the sea, humankind, water, animal life, ships, crops, and earth, all engulfed by an infinite abyss.



now i don't profess to be a religious person, but from what i understand from this gospel is that there are seven seals bestowed to us upon Judgement Day. (*cough* 2012 *cough*)
okay. fantastic. seven seals. from the sky. call it by which ever way you choose, Judgement Day, Hari Kiamat, Qiyamah, Oh My God The World Is Ending!, Deos Judgementos, Apocalyptos, Eucalyptus..is gonna be freaking crazy.
okay so, to my understanding, there are seven seals thrown down on this earth by god. and then, he gets this guy Judah and tells him to set his lions upon the seals to open them up one by one. there's also a Root of David mentioned, but i'm guessing this David guy has a hair problem. anyways, it gets better! there are seven trumpets thrown in. here's where i'm assuming there's some kind of heavenly band coming down to play while the world gets destroyed, you know, like in Titanic, where those blokes played crappy music to a screaming crowd. as if they weren't annoyed enough. so back to my interpretation. after the trumpets and band and seals are down, god throws down seven bowls!
woah. am i the only one here who absolutely cannot wait for world's end? smoking weed, eating seafood and listening to jazz. i love you, god. even in the chaos and fire, you're an excellent host. please don't judge me on this.

p.s. btw god, i was thinking, since you're sending down a seven trumpet jazz band, you might want to include an EIGHTH seal? just to liven up the party? thank you. amen.

Star-struck.

PATTINSON HIT BY CAB WHILE ESCAPING FANS

Heartthrob actor ROBERT PATTINSON was hit by a taxi while running away from fans who mobbed him on the New York City set of his new movie.
The British star was left unhurt by the scrape, which took place in downtown Manhattan on Thursday (18Jun09), while he was shooting Remember Me in the city.
A team of five burly security guards couldn't stop a swarm of teenage girls pouncing on Pattinson as he left the Strand bookstore during a film break, and, as he rushed across the road to safety, he was clipped on the hip by a yellow cab.
According to RadarOnline.com, one bodyguard checked Pattinson for injuries before screaming at the fans, "You see what you did, you almost killed him!"

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allow me a minute to just regain my composure from laughing my head off. you twilight fans remember the scene where the handsome vampire saves his lass from being splattered by a car, using his superhuman unholy evil vampire strength, don't you? good.

let this be my shortest article ever in where i only have just two words to write when i say: DEFINE IRONY.

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now, back to my childish giggling.

Santa Claus boycotts Christmas 2012.

(The Hark Herald) NORTH POLE - In what seems to be another blow to the already crumbling global economy, patron saint of gift-giving and local philanthropist, Santa Claus (pictured above) has announced that he will be boycotting the national holiday of Christmas in 2012.

Nicholas von Badelt Klaus, better known as the plump, jolly, white-bearded man donned in a red coat with white collar and cuffs, white-cuffed red trousers, and black leather belt and boots, has publicly declared his unwillingness to participate in the season of merryment with regards to the much publicized '2012 Doomsday Prophecy'.

Said a visibly distraught Klaus, 783, "I am very concerned with this prophecy and have spent many a sleepless night pondering over it. One factor my wife and I are particularly concerned with is the geo-magnetic reversal of poles and how it will affect us. As a citizen of the North Pole, I have absolutely no desire to be relocated to the South. Do I look like a (censored) redneck Mexican Eskimo to you? We have had numerous meetings with the elves and reindeers, including Mary, my wife and we have come to ideal solution of simply not going for Christmas in 2012. Hey, if the world is ending, then there isn't much point to gift-giving, is there? Now, get off my goddamn [sic] boat!"

The geo-magnetic reversal of poles is a phenomenon that occurs when the North and South Poles switch magnetic polarity. Its effect on humans is not known at this time, but it remains a threat to civilization, especially to Klaus himself.

Klaus has also expressed disbelief at his heavenly government, citing a 'glitch in management and protocol' to be held responsible for the impending disaster, and for those responsible to publicly step down and relinquish all posts. He has also stated that the decision was made in haste and poor judgement, adding that it was too soon to call for a global crisis. Known for his staunch support for U.S. President Barack Obama, Klaus has said he hopes his act of protest will urge several heavenly leaders to postpone Judgement Day to give the U.S. President, whose current tenure ends in November 2012, a chance to be re-elected to another four year term in office.

Klaus has served as the publicly renowed delivery boy since the inception of the post in the early 14th century. His credentials include promoting countless seasons of joy and happiness, temporarily stopping wars between nations and paying guest visits at many shopping outlets, where he entertains little children as a hobby.

(For more updates, please visit our local webpage at www.harkheraldonline.com)

Snap, Crackle, Pope!

okay, so it took over 200 years to elect the first African American President of the United States. what we have now is a man from a minority ethnic group leading a world superpower, a man whom people thought to be an underdog because of his race and creed. The people of America rallied with him and picked him, over an army veteran and P.O.W, whom no one cares about now, and also over a Caucasian woman, whom frankly wasn't picked because of her husband and his loose pants. Obama's victory meant something to this world, showing other countries how a 'coloured' man could be chosen to hold the highest office in the world, showing them how race has become insignificant in these modern times.

now this got me thinking: if moderate America can say they support and back the leadership of a black man, then what about the Vatican? we know that women and gay army veterans can't be priests, let alone hold the office of the Papacy, but isn't it just kinda odd that the Catholic Church has never had a black pope? let's do the math here: America has been around, what, 226 years now? the Catholic Church has been around for 1914 years. hmm. 226 vs. 1914. 226 < 1914.
all white leaders of America till 2008. all white leaders of the Church till - present.

will the world see a black pope after Pope Benedict XVI? can a black man lead the billions of Catholics around the world? is he gonna wear the robes and NOT look a pimp? will he stand at St. Peter's Basilica after his election and yell, "what up peeps?!" more importantly, will he choose his papal name to be 'Sweet Jesus'. then call himself Pope Sweet Jesus I? only god knows.

i say, bring in the minorities! hell, why stop at african american? bring in the hispanics AND the asians! we could have our first Latino pope, Pope Carlos y de la Ricarda Robinho Santa Maria de Florenza y Theresa Conception de la Raúl Rafael Juliá y Arcelay-Guiterrez? or even an east indian pope, who may call himself Adam. to which you have Pope Adam. (say that fast to get the joke.) the native indians, however, seeing as they name anything after the first thing they see, might just name themselves Pope Black Smoke or Pope Lotsa Funny Men in Red Dresses. i don't think that would sound right in Church.

come on Vatican City, elect a minority into the papacy. let the rest of the world know that race has become a thing of the past in the scientific world, as well as the religious. i leave all the Popes over the centuries with this parting statement: if Jesus WAS black, then you're all screwed.